How to Lose Friends and Disappoint People

Your writing projects can be great sources of conversations at parties. They can, in turn, be causes of disillusionment. Every once in a while, I'll have a conversation that goes something like this (apologies to every unfortunate soul who got stuck standing next to me at a party!)

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New Acquaintance:
So, I hear that you're a writer. Do you make much money off your books?

Me:
(laughing)
Good heavens, I'm lucky if I make anything at all!

Acquaintance:
Oh, all right, so you must have a deep, meaningful message to share with the world.

Me:
I guess.

Acquaintance:
What is that message?

Me:
Um... The world is a cool place with nice people in it? History is fun? Always take time to smell the roses?
<Me thinking: Wow, that is so deep! Maybe I really am a philosopher!>

Acquaintance:
<thinking: That's about as deep as a Hallmark card.>
​So, you write to promote <names a cause>?

Me:
Well, I guess if it does, that's a good thing.

Acquaintance:
Oh, I see! Then you must do it for art?

Me:
Art? Golly, I'm not sure if what I do can be called art, but I'll take the compliment, thanks!

Acquaintance:
Right... So, uh.... why do you write?

Me:
Why do I write? That's very simple! It's because... Because... Uh... well, I guess because I like it.

Acquaintance:
You like it.

Me:
Yeah. Plus, I've been doing it so long I don't know what else to do, you know?

Acquaintance:
That's not terribly artsy. I thought all artists had deep philosophical thought or musings or... something. Anything. Even angst will do.

Me:
Yeah, I used to think so too. But angst is exhausting and kinda over-done, don't you find?

Acquaintance:
Oh, well, I guess... I'm sorry, why do you write again?

Me:
Because it's there.

<awkward pause>

Acquaintance:
That's why you climb mountains.

​Me:
You've obviously never written a book. It's much the same.

Acquaintance:
...Okay, I'm going to go talk to your sister now.

Me:
​I don't blame you. Have fun.​