I was going to write a brilliant blog post today. It was full of pathos, and humanity, and a contained thoughtful message on the world as it is today.
I really ought to write it, but I ran out of time. I was too busy discovering that there are at least ten ways to avoid writing a blog post. And since I like to share my findings, I’ve written a list of my ten favorite ways to avoid writing a blog post:
1. Sleep in late: Because you’re tired. And you’ve been working late. And it’s cozy in your bed. Another five minutes won’t kill you. And so on...
2. Checking your Facebook page: Because finding out how many ‘likes’ your new selfie album got is absolutely essential to your well-being.
3. Call a friend: It doesn’t matter that you’re going to see them tomorrow night, that you saw them yesterday, that you’ve got nothing new to talk about since you chatted online this morning. Friends come first.
4. Sort your socks: Because you need to find them in a hurry in the morning, especially after you’ve slept in late. (See #1)
5. Stare into space: You’re a writer, which means you’re probably also an introvert. This is how we think. No, it is not wasting time. No, it is not daydreaming. Or if it is, it is absolutely necessary for the creative process. Absolutely. Ask anyone.
6. Re-arrange your book-shelves: Have fun and experiment. Put them in order of author, by color, publication date, by length, by height, by font styles…
7. Surf Youtube: You know those cat videos everyone talks about about? They actually are as funny as they say!
8. Scroll through other people’s Facebook page: Because nothing is more motivating (i. e. depressing) than seeing how much cooler everyone’s life is than yours. Which leads us to:
9. Clean out your freezer: by which I mean, eat all the ice cream in it. Having ice cream in your freezer will lead you into temptation, so cut temptation off at the pass.
10. Look up random things on the internet: Because you’re learning new things and that’s good for you. For instance, did you know that there are 1000 different varieties of bananas? That they are considered herbs, not fruits? That 5 billion tons of bananas are eaten in Britain each year? That if you hold a banana on its side, it looks like a sun-shiny smile? Now you do. That’s the power of a Google search. You’re welcome.